Up and down and round and round

February 8, 2017

We are in our third month of herbal lyme treatment and the ups and downs keep coming. A few weeks ago it started up again - those horrible symptoms. Armed with some new tools of attack I think we have been able to keep things at bay. Maybe.

She is up to multiple supplements in the morning and that in and of itself is taking it's toll. I hate to take my vitamins so I can imagine what it feels like to a seven-year-old little girl to take so many. I was hard on her this morning. I just wanted her to take her pills and it had been 20 minutes of fiddling with them and complaining. I tried empathy. It's time to brush teeth and hair. I tried encouragement. We only have 10 more minutes until the bus gets here. I tried the threat of consequence. It's TIME! I finally took them away and told her to go out to the bus. That is the greatest threat of all because she fears what will happen if she doesn't take them. Running around me she grabbed them from the counter and began. She fears the crushing sensory symptoms that may escalate. She is terrified of the scary thoughts that could come crashing in to her brain without invite, no way to push them out. She hates the insomnia that keeps her awake for hours and hours because it usually gets the better of her and then of me and the crying and yelling ensues.

How did this happen? Why? I don't often go there. I'm always looking forward, focused on what to do next. We're trying to get b vitamins balanced, adding minerals, and lots of anti-inflammatory and liver-detox support. I think it's helping but it's a lot to take - literally a lot of pills to take. After a morning like today's, I reassess to see if I can safely remove a couple of pills. Just to ease the burden on this little girl.

Then again, we are lucky right? It could be worse. At least she is "healthy" and not fighting something worse. So maybe she needs to suck it up and take eleven. Big deal, right? At least we can fight and there is hope. Some kids have so little hope. Some kids are fighting something that is ultimately going to win. She will win this battle so the focus needs to be on sustaining her as we go. At least she is home and comfortable and able to go to school and enjoy good friendships. She is learning and playing as she should be. It's just this other stuff she's got to handle. And there it is. Perspective. Never takes me too long.

So how can I better sustain her and hold her up? How can I strengthen her and her resolve? I tell her she is strong and brave and conquering it all. I think she believes me. Most of the time. When she's not just too damn tired of it all.

Me too. I'll do better.

Strength. Love. Hope.